I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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