Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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