How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
