OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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