Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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