Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
