I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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