one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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