Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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