Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
