when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
