omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
