mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
