IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
