you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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