btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
