Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
