Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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