How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
