remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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