I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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