I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
