He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
