I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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