My liver just broke up with me...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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