I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
