so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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