dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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