just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
