I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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