i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
