Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
