bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
