I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
