you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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