Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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