Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
