It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
