sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
