He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize