Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
