It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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