Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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