Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so let's talk penis.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
