You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Please don't give away my fajitas
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
