Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
