stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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