saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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