New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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