No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
