I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
