i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
