are you still at the devil's house?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
