I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Your cock deserves a montage
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
