I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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