I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
