One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
