I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
