I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
