A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
