Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fill condoms, not promises.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
