and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
