bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
