The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
