and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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