someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He better not be in your backpack
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
