im six kinds of drunk right now
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
